Today I conquered step 4, Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
Back in the day finding anyone I trusted enough to open my raw wounds to was tough. Through my dealings with people, mostly men, I learned that I could not trust anyone. I even learned I could not trust myself. When I looked back on the decisions I had made on my own, the outcome was so awful that if a decision had to be made, aside from what I wanted for dinner, I flat out refused to do it. Instead I became a victim of life. I reacted to whatever life threw at me instead of being proactive and going after life.
Today I took a step towards putting that down. I know I talk about Celebrate Recovery a lot, well every post has been about CR but honestly, nothing else saved my marriage, my family and my very own life. God put me where He wanted me in the time that He wanted me to make sure I got to this point. He broke me and today I fully accepted that.
It was hard knowing what I was up against; admitting to someone the things that keep me awake at night, the things that give me bad dreams when I do sleep, the times I hurt someone or was hurt by someone. All of those things a person relives in their minds and wishes they could go back and do it over. Well today I confessed everything that was on my heart and mind and you know what? It wasn’t that bad. I found a wonderful sponsor/accountability partner and the only reason this works is trust. I trusted her enough to know she would not judge me because she has shared her life story with me and though she has done some things she has regretted she does not show any signs of letting her past slow her down from her future.
This is how it is with us. Everyone has a story and we all share our stories. Sometimes you have to lay all your cards on your table but I guarantee you will get a better hand if you do.