I must officially be an adult now because I have lived long enough to observe enough people’s behaviors and draw conclusions about those behaviors as opposed to my youthful outlook that believed everyone was different, unique, and trustworthy. Turns out, we’re all pretty predictable. One thing I have noticed is people who say things like “well that’s just the way I am, take it or leave it.” “I call it how I see it, that’s just how I am.” “I have a quick temper and that’s just how I am.” “If I have a problem with you I’m going to say it and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”
The problem with these statements is that the person is saying to you “at some point in our relationship I’m going to be a jerk to you and I don’t care. That’s just who I am and I’m not going to apologize or change my ways. It’s your problem if it hurts your feelings.” Now, I believe in grace and forgiveness. I believe we are all in the process of growing and maturing in the Lord and that we are all at different points in our walk. Some people feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit in areas that others don’t and it’s not my place to judge where another person is in his or her spiritual walk. What I do have a problem with is the fact that the person who says “that’s just the way I am,” must have some knowledge that they are like that, otherwise they wouldn’t make such a statement, AND that they know it’s not really a Christ-like attribute otherwise they wouldn’t feel the need to warn you just in case they do or say something jerkish. Yep, I just made a word. Someone who is acting like a jerk, as in jerkish behavior.
I have said all of these things before but what I didn’t realize was that by admitting I wasn’t behaving right but not caring about it, I was slamming the door in the Christ’s face preventing him from making any changes in my character for the better. I understand people are people and if you’re a direct person then be a direct person. Be whoever you are because we all are who we are for a reason and the trials that we are put through by God to refine us to be more Christ-like are part of our spiritual growth that enable us to help others. It all comes down to this…do people see the changes Christ has made in you or do they see someone who is using grace as an excuse to knowingly continue to act against God’s will and out of alignment with Christ’s character?
And I apologize to anyone I have ever said these words to. I hope you will forgive me as I am working on forgiving myself.