Can we just be real for a moment?  I know I say I love God and I am a believer but can I just say that I am so done with this mess down here on earth.  I want to go home.  I want to go live with my mom.  There’s no one on this planet that I can talk to like I can her.  She commiserates with me.  She tells me “I told you so,” but then she makes me laugh.  She’s was my first best friend and only her and the Lord knew me before I appeared in the flesh.  I want to go to her now because life is about as mentally unbearable for me as I can handle right now.  I understand why when there’s one suicide, many follow.  Because for people who don’t want to be here, knowing someone else made it out gives everyone else hope that they can get out too.  Maybe not today but maybe some day.  Don’t worry.  I’m not seriously thinking about doing anything but you know, I just really wish I could go live with my mom right now.  She’s been gone 7 months and 9 days.  I can’t be in denial and know exactly how long she’s been gone.  Denial keeps us from knowing any details and I am keenly aware of the details right now.  Details that I am as helpless to control as a piece of paper in a hurricane.